Life as we know it…..

There are times in our life when things go wrong go drastically wrong. We may be at the top of our game and at the pinnacle of our art but then  sometimes due to no fault of ours, things seem to be going downhill.it seems whatever you have built is either coming crashing down or brick by brick is falling apart. It’s almost like you are in a highway driving at cruise speed and then you hit a barrier that was not meant to be there and your car swirls out of control. When you finally are in control, you realize that your car is a wreck, and sometimes depending on how bad the accident you may have a scar or an injury.

Life is tough and there will be times when things are out of our control. It’s frustrating at times coz no matter what you do the outcome is always perceived negatively. No matter how hard you work, you are always hit below the belt. You start feeling that you are dealt a poor hand. Everyone else is better off and don’t seem to have the same problem as me.

You may be having a life, where everything has been good and the grass is green and then something happens and then you are no longer in control and you seem to be sinking in quicksand.

There will be circumstances in life, when everything and everyone seems to be going against you. During this time it’s easy to be negative and say why me? We tend to get critical of others as well as ourselves. If the situation still continues it may push you to a corner where you may start doubting your own confidence & decisions. That is where persistence and resilience is so important.

Sometimes it’s not about fighting back. The situation is like a perfect storm, where you don’t fight it, at times its best you lay low and let the storm pass rather than paddle against the storm. Paddling against the storm may only tire you out and the storm will engulf you completely. If you stay low and just stay focused on what you need to do, after sometime the storm will pass and you will be able to paddle away on a beautiful day.

At times there are battlefields in the mind, where you literally play out what’s happening and what needs to happen as a result it drains you out further. We need to focus on what we can do and the rest leave to God, we cannot control everything.

Below are some tips that can help you tide during such situations:

1. Gratitude Journal – Focus on the positive, we would like to have a lot more, but we could also have alot less. Be thankful for the people and things in your life. A Gratitude Journal is a good way to be thankful on a daily basis for all the goodness experienced during the day. As a result of the negativity we tend to focus only on what’s wrong or broken. The journal is good reminder of all the goodness that’s still in our life.
2. Spirituality – it’s important that you have some kind of belief and practice some kind of belief in God. This life and our existence is supernatural and understanding that connection can be very soothing.
3. Be Gentle towards yourself. – You need to be gentle towards yourself there’s a lot going on and our circumstances may be forcing us to a corner. People, our friends and family may not be speaking highly of us. But you need to make peace with yourself and let yourself know that you are doing everting in your power to do the right thing and pat your back and tell yourself that you will get through this and you are a good person. There is no shortage of critics and you don’t need to be a self-critic as you will be with yourself at all times your soul needs to be at peace with your mind. It’s not your fault that someone died, their time was up and they had to go. It’s not your fault that something went wrong, it’s not your fault that there is no food in your fridge. Give yourself some slack and focus on what needs to be done. You can’t blame yourself for everything.
4. No Self Pity – While you need to be gentle towards yourself, you can’t afford to have self-pity. You can cry if needed if it helps calm your nerves. Having a pity party with yourself will pull you down and if this is at a regular interval it may lead you to depression. It’s ok to be depressed once a while but don’t stay there. Pity party will only dampen your spirts further. There is a lot more to live for and life is not over yet.
5. Reduce Negativity – cut down on negative relationships, thoughts or anything that influences negativity. This is the most important aspect, if you surround yourself with negativity than no matter what you do, you will always focus on negativity and you will be more and more negative to everything including yourself. Any sign of positive progress can be brought down by surrounding ourselves with negative or toxic people. Negative people may further magnify a negative situation and over power the good in your life.
6. Surround yourself with positivity- Positive people will build you and reinforce hope and positivity in your life. Seeing the glass half full is a very important aspect especially when you are struggling in a situation. You will enjoy positive aspects even in a worst case scenario. Be surrounded by a positive environment, if there is someplace that brings down your energy its best you avoid it now or at least until you are strong enough to face it again.
7. This too shall pass – know that everything is not constant, everything good or bad will pass away with time. You need to be resilient but remind yourself that this is a temporary phase. Having this attitude helps you overcome the most difficult life changing events.
8. Get creative – Do something you love, get a passion that helps you overcome your emotions. Find a hobby or alternate passion like painting, cooking, hiking, music anything that soothes you.
9. Stay Fit – Both mentally and physical, start exercising on a regular basis, this emits positivity in the body as well you will get some balance. If nothing at all, it help you in taking out your frustration in a very creative way.
10. Drink Water – Don’t underestimate the humble drink.it is a fluid which reaches every part of the body and supplying essentials to our different body part. Drinking water keeps us hydrated, this a wonderful remedy with no hangover.
11. Eating Healthy – Nutrition is key to how we feel, what we eat is what we feel, identify what foods make you irritated or happy. However binge eating is not an answer neither is eating chocolate at all times. Rather focus on nutritious & natural food. Consider your current health and include, proteins, carbo hydrates and the necessary fat. Avoid fast food and anything that is unhealthy.
12. Circle of Influence – Focus on what is within your control. You have an important meeting, stuck in traffic, what’s in your control – no point cursing and trying to drive like a maniac. Inform the participants you will be late, can you reschedule. Best is if you can plan in advance in anticipation of the traffic. Focus on what’s in your control, the more you get irritated and frustrated, the more it will impact your mental well-being.
13. Self-Talk – Sometimes a pep talk is needed, positive self-talk is needed as your soul needs to hear the words. At times emotions are high when we are angry or frustrated, sometimes it almost feels like a lost situation or people may make you feel like a loser. It is during those times that you need to talk to yourself and let yourself know that you are worthy and there is a purpose to your life there is a calling and this phase is temporary. It’s important that you self-talk in present tense. Eg. I am good in singing, not I will be good in singing. This too shall pass not this will pass. The tense of the sentence should be present tense so your senses can accept this view point and slowly you will see the positive change.
14. Talk to someone – Sometimes just talking out your feelings, thoughts or situation with someone you trust, unleashes the pent up negative energy. But don’t continue on a negative ongoing rant as it will hamper your further. It’s ok to vent but not get into a victim mode.
15. Help others – Helping others can sometime help create a sense of positivity.
16. Get Help if needed – Seek help from friends and family there is no share in asking for help. Sometimes it’s best to seek a professional help it’s not wrong. We are living in stressful times where the pressures of life is high. It’s completely acceptable to seek professional counselling, mentoring, coaching or medical help as needed.

Know that everything has a reason, you will only learn with time why you had to endure this difficult situation. Life is a best teacher, you don’t need to know the answers to everything in life. You need to know that you are unique you are blessed and God has a plan for you. Life is a journey not a destination we are travelers so let’s make most of this life. We will hit some rough patches, lean in on others as needed but make sure that you make some memories while in dirt. We will reach out destination in all crowning glory.

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We live for each other, in fact humans cannot live in isolation and need each other. It is only when we live for each other when we can make this world a beautiful place.

Recently during my recent travels to New York, I realized how disconnected the society was. The neighbors didn’t necessarily know each other. There was little energy and it was each to his own. Nothing wrong about it, back home too it’s very similar, everyone busy with themselves. But there were a few things that got me thinking.

We were making our way towards the subway station in a predominantly what would be considered as a black society. We were climbing down the stairs and just a little ahead was a black mom who was pushing a pram with a baby towards the end of the stairway. Before I knew it, another white lady who also had a baby in her pram was coming up, she was talking to her friend. She left her pram with her friend, walked up the stairs, and without saying a word, helped the black woman carry the pram down. I was stumped, I had heard stories of black and white not getting along, furthermore I asked myself, what stopped me or my friends from helping the woman. It took another mother to know the pain of this mother and she helped her out. There was no words exchanged, no permission taken, no thank you said. The act was completed and each went their way.

We live in a life so fast paced that we forget that each of us have needs and if were more giving this world will be happier place to live in.

I read somewhere that, nothing in nature lives for itself. Rivers don’t drink their own water, Trees don’t eat their own fruit. The Sun doesn’t shine for itself. A flowers true fragrance is not for itself. Living for each other is the rule of nature.

So look around and see if you can make a positive difference in someone’s life today.