I am my own Hero

She looked around and could see all women in the room, she sighed she felt safe but was disappointed there was no male attending the seminar.

This was a seminar about women empowerment and had no male representation. She asked the question – how can we make this a safe place for women. What is the government doing for reducing the gender gap, how is the organization ensuring that women are given equal opportunities, how are they reducing the pay gap, will organizations provide flexibility to women so they can take care of work and family. How do government, organizations ensure that there is representation of women at the top spots.

She felt that she was victimized subject to abuse and also sidelined even though she is talented. Why can’t this world see things from her eyes; understand the pain and discomfort she has to go through even when growing up? Why can’t the male species understand her better, why can’t they make things a little easier?

Why do women feel like victims and that everything needs to be done by someone else? Why do women feel helpless and that nothing is in their control. She reflected on her life and how she behaved in her own house. When she had to make a choice of sending her son or daughter to school, did her son get more privileges over her daughter? He can do whatever he wants because he is a boy.

She introspected have I used the word girl / daughter derogatorily she asked herself. She could think of the below examples where she felt she compared her son and daughter and unconsciously biased their thoughts that women is weaker.

  1. By telling my son “why are you crying like a girl, only girls cry” – “Boys don’t cry, boys are strong”
  2. We tell our daughters” its ok to cry” and things like “ you should not talk in loud tones, or argue with anyone” “You should not fight back” “You are a girl and girls have to be silent and listen”
  3. “You are girl so you need to know how to cook and do the household work”
  4. Football is not for girls, you can make painting, singing as your hobby
  5. “You are not a boy”, You are not strong like boys so don’t play with them” ,”You should play in the house” You should not play on the playground you will get hurt” “you should play only with girls.”
  6. Pink is for girls and Blue is for boys. “ Why are you wearing pink, pink is only for girls”
  7. “Barbie’s are for girls, cars are for boys”

Knowingly or unknowingly we have influenced the dos and don’ts in our children life and that is what gets played out as they grow older. They are boxed and prototyped into behaving in a way fit for boy and a girl. The pressure of being accepted is so high that children too fall in line to follow the behavior. How a girl is treated at home is how she gets treated in the society. Simple things like who gets served food first indicates who is given priority at home.

If a boy sees it is acceptable to not do any household work, disrespect his sister and be treated like a king by his mother and sister and other family members. That is what he is going to expect from all women in the world. Children learn from the family members and that is how they behave in world. Some things don’t even have to be spoken or taught to children, they are good listeners and learn fast, they just observe what’s happening in the family and emulate the same as they grow up. For them that is the first exposure and what they observe and accept is what they think and assume to be acceptable and correct.

Think back about a time when your daughter wanted to participate in sports or an adventurous activity in another location or country. Or wanted to pursue higher education or sports or even go out for an overnight picnic. What has been your response, yes go for it, or yes but be careful, or no, why do you want to do it. Or you are a girl and girls don’t do that.

Why should organizations care if the employee is male or female? They are happy if they have a performing employee? If employees are performing and give their best output profiting the organization, it doesn’t matter if that employee is a male or female. Why should companies care if you have a family, a work life balance to manage that is for you to manage it doesn’t matter if you are male or female. Why should companies have reservations for women, if you are talented you will get the job. Because if you are the best engineer you will give your best and it will be noticed and you will get your due. What organizations should do is have equal opportunities for both genders, remove any biases to ensure that the best talent has access and gets the deserving reward.

Why blame the government for not enforcing stronger laws which are protecting women. I ask you why can’t we change the society’s mindset towards the women. We can have the strictest law, however if there is no change in mindset of people then that law is futile.

If a woman dresses, or talks differently than the acceptable norm then she is frowned on. A person can lustfully look at a woman and get away with it. There is nothing that the law can do in this. However if we change the DNA of our families which in turn impact people around us and the society at large, we will be able to change the way a woman is viewed and respected. It all begins how we manage our relationships at home. A small change can go a long way to impact the overall attitude including our own towards the progress of woman.

At times a woman is a woman’s enemy she needs to be less critical and more supportive. If Woman accept that they are empowered and start making their decisions and be responsible for their life it will be bring about change. If every woman takes it upon on herself to make some small changes within her influence, she will bring out and impact larger changes. No point for waiting for laws to be passed or for organizations to provide more lucrative salaries or roles. It is up to each women to stand up for herself and make some small behavior changes.

I am my own role model as I am unique and as there is no one like me. The change begins with me. I am my own hero.


Lets Play

Its another day, another year

To put to bed all the fears

A new beginning for dreams to renew

For those to come true only for you.


Life has a way of presenting itself uniquely

Making us dance to its tune cheekily.

Laugh at all problems the till you cry

Make sure during difficult times you always try.


Thank God for good bad and everything,

To his blessings you always cling,

Don’t give up on your dreams

Coz just when its all bad it seems

At a distance you will see a glimmer,

You wont know how close you are

Till you with troubles you spar


It’s a new day, a new dream, a new way

Its game on so, lets play.

Danke 2017

Thank you for the missed opportunities, I now know what I want.
Thank You for the loneliness, I now know how to make peace and live with myself.
Thank you for those who walked out of my life,
I now know who are my true friends.
Thank you for the job, I now know what I truly aspire for.
Thank you for the sickness, I now value healthy living and take better care of myself.
Thank you for the broken dreams, I can now dream a new dream.
Thank You for the challenges, I now know that I can push my limits and be Victorious.
Thank You 2017 for all the good, the bad the ugly coz you have made me a better being.
Welcome 2018 looking forward to blessings and well being.

Giving up is not an option….

We are all unique in our own way. We have endured and continue to endure experiences which are unique to us. It is also possible that many of us may have experienced the same incident but our responses may be different. As humans we can create our own responses which are different to the same situation.

Troubles come in our life, and sometimes we don’t know why we are going through it. The wet pillow becomes a best friend at some points in our life. During such times, make a decision and take action, take control if possible. However sometimes we can’t do anything and can’t find a solution for such situations. At such times, its best to take a pause, make progress slowly but don’t give up. We understand life backwards and so will not know why something happened until later in life. One thing I am sure of is that everything happens for a reason, we have the power to endure. When we cannot, we have a greater force on our side which helps us tide this situation.

During such difficult times – it’s easy to give up, succumb to the situation and go to the extreme of ending one’s life. However according to me giving up is not an option. We should strive to live and continue to prosper. So what if you have lost a loved one, you are lonely, or you are completely shattered, these are unpleasant experiences, but they build you for what’s in store. You may be the only survivor in your family with no purpose to live. But who knows it is this experience that can propel you to bring healing to others. So what if you are bed ridden, you have a life, ask yourself what I can do positively in your life. What can you do, what can be if you take the first step? May be you can tell a story, may be you help others.

God has created our beautiful life – there may be some hiccups along the way. Life may not be as beautiful for us now but it doesn’t have to stay that way forever. Everything in life is momentary, how we cope with life is all that matters and once you make that shift is when you will be able to view life differently. It’s easy to be a victim and blame others for everything bad in our life, but if we can change this perspective in learning what life has in store for us than this will be a very different journey.

No matter what is the state of our life, there is a reason why we are here in this world, we have a purpose in life that only we can fulfill. It is possible that we don’t know that purpose and once we know the purpose in life, we will be propelled in a whole new direction. Many a times we give up and quit when we are almost about to strike gold. Giving up is never an option, make a decision to endure, to make the change and make a difference in your own and others’ lives. Who knows, your trouble, helplessness, worries may disappear the very next hour, day, month or year.

“I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It’s all a question of how I view my life.”
―Paulo Coelho

Change – An evolution/ A Metamorphosis.

There are different kinds of change – Proactive and reactive. Change that happens to us and we have to adapt, this could be societal, economic or relationships etc, Change that is internal, where we decide to make a change or break a monotonous norm. Either way, change is difficult and it all comes down to how we mentally prepare and act towards either making or accepting the change.

Change is the new constant they say and is still the most difficult pill for some. Whenever there has been a change we have either opposed it, reacted to it or have just been bystanders waiting to see what happens next. There are some who are optimist and feel good about the change until the actual change happens. We can crib about it or we can sing about, but until we don’t take the first step we will not be able to embrace Change.

We are on the last day of the year, and most of us may have made a laundry list of resolutions for the New Year. For most, this list will fail in the first month itself and not because they don’t want to make the change but because they don’t know how to sustain the change they have attempted.

For many of us, we have to make the change and probably it’s the most difficult step. In order to be healthy and fit, you need a change in diet, exercise more, sleep better, get off social media, change a job, dream a new dream, accept new way of living etc.

Imagine if there is someone who is making a change in diet, we focus so much on what we cannot do that this overshadows the acts of what needs to be done. Focus on the change, focus on what needs to be done rather than on wanting to forget or overcome something. It’s always difficult to give up or make a change to a way of living. The best way to do it is by inculcating a new habit. So for those changing their diet and attempting to give up junk food, there are a lot of alternatives they can eat from, focus on what can I eat, what’s healthy and tasty, it’s more like supplementing one food for another. When you focus on the goodness of the new food, you will enjoy the new diet and it’s easier to sustain in the long run. You can try with a simple experiment, by reducing sugar in tea, drink the tea with less sugar for about 2-3 weeks and your palate will change. After 2-3 weeks have tea with the regular sugar and you will instantly know the difference of the extra sugar. This small act goes in a long way of controlling sugar intake.

The only way to get over hurt, bad dreams is to focus on something new and different. We are all prisoners of our thought, the more we think about something the more it gets imprinted on the brain. We reach a point that we start meditating on it and think about it every instant. This thought becomes an addition. So what better way if we can think about something positive, focus on what can be… positively, and dream a new dream. Initially it’s difficult to begin with and you will need to make a conscious effort to ponder on those thoughts. It is when you focus on these new positive thoughts that your thoughts of despair, helplessness or whatever else you want to overcome or change reduces, becomes small, insignificant and overtime disappears.

You basically have to channelize your energies on making a new habit, thinking about how is this change beneficial to you. At times you may also want to ask yourself the question, what happens if I don’t accept the change. What is the cost of not embracing this change? Is my security, peace, or my well-being or my future dependent on this change?

Change is here to stay, it is our friend, the faster we accept the change the easier it is to go ahead in our life. Change is a renewal of life, if we look closely at our surroundings a silkworm has to change to a butterfly that is nature, similarly a day has to turn to night and day again. Even the mountains change, over a period of time they are eroded, new sedimentation happens, climate changes impact them and they change. Then how difficult is it for you and me to change. Start with a small step, move forward, rest if you need to, pause if needed but for every one step back take two steps in the direction of change.

“When you change the whole world changes with you”

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”
― Paulo Coelho,

Life as we know it…..

There are times in our life when things go wrong go drastically wrong. We may be at the top of our game and at the pinnacle of our art but then  sometimes due to no fault of ours, things seem to be going downhill.it seems whatever you have built is either coming crashing down or brick by brick is falling apart. It’s almost like you are in a highway driving at cruise speed and then you hit a barrier that was not meant to be there and your car swirls out of control. When you finally are in control, you realize that your car is a wreck, and sometimes depending on how bad the accident you may have a scar or an injury.

Life is tough and there will be times when things are out of our control. It’s frustrating at times coz no matter what you do the outcome is always perceived negatively. No matter how hard you work, you are always hit below the belt. You start feeling that you are dealt a poor hand. Everyone else is better off and don’t seem to have the same problem as me.

You may be having a life, where everything has been good and the grass is green and then something happens and then you are no longer in control and you seem to be sinking in quicksand.

There will be circumstances in life, when everything and everyone seems to be going against you. During this time it’s easy to be negative and say why me? We tend to get critical of others as well as ourselves. If the situation still continues it may push you to a corner where you may start doubting your own confidence & decisions. That is where persistence and resilience is so important.

Sometimes it’s not about fighting back. The situation is like a perfect storm, where you don’t fight it, at times its best you lay low and let the storm pass rather than paddle against the storm. Paddling against the storm may only tire you out and the storm will engulf you completely. If you stay low and just stay focused on what you need to do, after sometime the storm will pass and you will be able to paddle away on a beautiful day.

At times there are battlefields in the mind, where you literally play out what’s happening and what needs to happen as a result it drains you out further. We need to focus on what we can do and the rest leave to God, we cannot control everything.

Below are some tips that can help you tide during such situations:

  1. Gratitude Journal – Focus on the positive, we would like to have a lot more, but we could also have alot less. Be thankful for the people and things in your life. A Gratitude Journal is a good way to be thankful on a daily basis for all the goodness experienced during the day. As a result of the negativity we tend to focus only on what’s wrong or broken. The journal is good reminder of all the goodness that’s still in our life.
  2. Spirituality – it’s important that you have some kind of belief and practice some kind of belief in God. This life and our existence is supernatural and understanding that connection can be very soothing.
  3. Be Gentle towards yourself. – You need to be gentle towards yourself there’s a lot going on and our circumstances may be forcing us to a corner. People, our friends and family may not be speaking highly of us. But you need to make peace with yourself and let yourself know that you are doing everting in your power to do the right thing and pat your back and tell yourself that you will get through this and you are a good person. There is no shortage of critics and you don’t need to be a self-critic as you will be with yourself at all times your soul needs to be at peace with your mind. It’s not your fault that someone died, their time was up and they had to go. It’s not your fault that something went wrong, it’s not your fault that there is no food in your fridge. Give yourself some slack and focus on what needs to be done. You can’t blame yourself for everything.
  4. No Self Pity – While you need to be gentle towards yourself, you can’t afford to have self-pity. You can cry if needed if it helps calm your nerves. Having a pity party with yourself will pull you down and if this is at a regular interval it may lead you to depression. It’s ok to be depressed once a while but don’t stay there. Pity party will only dampen your spirts further. There is a lot more to live for and life is not over yet.
  5. Reduce Negativity – cut down on negative relationships, thoughts or anything that influences negativity. This is the most important aspect, if you surround yourself with negativity than no matter what you do, you will always focus on negativity and you will be more and more negative to everything including yourself. Any sign of positive progress can be brought down by surrounding ourselves with negative or toxic people. Negative people may further magnify a negative situation and over power the good in your life.
  6. Surround yourself with positivity- Positive people will build you and reinforce hope and positivity in your life. Seeing the glass half full is a very important aspect especially when you are struggling in a situation. You will enjoy positive aspects even in a worst case scenario. Be surrounded by a positive environment, if there is someplace that brings down your energy its best you avoid it now or at least until you are strong enough to face it again.
  7. This too shall pass – know that everything is not constant, everything good or bad will pass away with time. You need to be resilient but remind yourself that this is a temporary phase. Having this attitude helps you overcome the most difficult life changing events.
  8. Get creative – Do something you love, get a passion that helps you overcome your emotions. Find a hobby or alternate passion like painting, cooking, hiking, music anything that soothes you.
  9. Stay Fit – Both mentally and physical, start exercising on a regular basis, this emits positivity in the body as well you will get some balance. If nothing at all, it help you in taking out your frustration in a very creative way.
  10. Drink Water – Don’t underestimate the humble drink.it is a fluid which reaches every part of the body and supplying essentials to our different body part. Drinking water keeps us hydrated, this a wonderful remedy with no hangover.
  11. Eating Healthy – Nutrition is key to how we feel, what we eat is what we feel, identify what foods make you irritated or happy. However binge eating is not an answer neither is eating chocolate at all times. Rather focus on nutritious & natural food. Consider your current health and include, proteins, carbo hydrates and the necessary fat. Avoid fast food and anything that is unhealthy.
  12. Circle of Influence – Focus on what is within your control. You have an important meeting, stuck in traffic, what’s in your control – no point cursing and trying to drive like a maniac. Inform the participants you will be late, can you reschedule. Best is if you can plan in advance in anticipation of the traffic. Focus on what’s in your control, the more you get irritated and frustrated, the more it will impact your mental well-being.
  13. Self-Talk – Sometimes a pep talk is needed, positive self-talk is needed as your soul needs to hear the words. At times emotions are high when we are angry or frustrated, sometimes it almost feels like a lost situation or people may make you feel like a loser. It is during those times that you need to talk to yourself and let yourself know that you are worthy and there is a purpose to your life there is a calling and this phase is temporary. It’s important that you self-talk in present tense. Eg. I am good in singing, not I will be good in singing. This too shall pass not this will pass. The tense of the sentence should be present tense so your senses can accept this view point and slowly you will see the positive change.
  14. Talk to someone – Sometimes just talking out your feelings, thoughts or situation with someone you trust, unleashes the pent up negative energy. But don’t continue on a negative ongoing rant as it will hamper your further. It’s ok to vent but not get into a victim mode.
  15. Help others – Helping others can sometime help create a sense of positivity.
  16. Get Help if needed – Seek help from friends and family there is no share in asking for help. Sometimes it’s best to seek a professional help it’s not wrong. We are living in stressful times where the pressures of life is high. It’s completely acceptable to seek professional counselling, mentoring, coaching or medical help as needed.

Know that everything has a reason, you will only learn with time why you had to endure this difficult situation. Life is a best teacher, you don’t need to know the answers to everything in life. You need to know that you are unique you are blessed and God has a plan for you. Life is a journey not a destination we are travelers so let’s make most of this life. We will hit some rough patches, lean in on others as needed but make sure that you make some memories while in dirt. We will reach out destination in all crowning glory.

F1 or Cntrl + Alt+ Del

We live for each other, in fact humans cannot live in isolation and need each other. It is only when we live for each other when we can make this world a beautiful place.

Recently during my recent travels to New York, I realized how disconnected the society was. The neighbors didn’t necessarily know each other. There was little energy and it was each to his own. Nothing wrong about it, back home too it’s very similar, everyone busy with themselves. But there were a few things that got me thinking.

We were making our way towards the subway station in a predominantly what would be considered as a black society. We were climbing down the stairs and just a little ahead was a black mom who was pushing a pram with a baby towards the end of the stairway. Before I knew it, another white lady who also had a baby in her pram was coming up, she was talking to her friend. She left her pram with her friend, walked up the stairs, and without saying a word, helped the black woman carry the pram down. I was stumped, I had heard stories of black and white not getting along, furthermore I asked myself, what stopped me or my friends from helping the woman. It took another mother to know the pain of this mother and she helped her out. There was no words exchanged, no permission taken, no thank you said. The act was completed and each went their way.

We live in a life so fast paced that we forget that each of us have needs and if were more giving this world will be happier place to live in.

I read somewhere that, nothing in nature lives for itself. Rivers don’t drink their own water, Trees don’t eat their own fruit. The Sun doesn’t shine for itself. A flowers true fragrance is not for itself. Living for each other is the rule of nature.

So look around and see if you can make a positive difference in someone’s life today.