Vivere in Momento

Live in the Moment.

It’s a fast paced life, no time for anything. Everyone seems to be zooming past, quickly, very quickly to next destination, towards the next activity or whatever it is they have to do next. There is nothing wrong in a fast paced life, but it almost feels that everyone is in so much in a hurry and rushed that they don’t have time for anyone else.

When travelling by public transport there was a time when people interacted with each other, they chatted, fought, gave free advice. But today we live in a different world, commuters seem so unsocial, they don’t seem welcoming, they are disinterested in what’s happening around them. It almost seems that everyone is robotic in their approach.

There is no point running from one pillar to another post and not enjoying the journey. This life is a journey and we are meant to enjoy every moment. But where is the moment??? we are so engrossed in social media that we have forgotten the age old skills of socializing. I believe that sometime in the future we will need a curriculum on social skills and etiquettes in school as this will be a trait long forgotten in the future.

Travelling in a public transport everyone appears to be wired in to the mobile or some kind of electronic gadgets, watching movies, listening to music, gaming and what not.. When was the last time you noticed the changing color of the leaves, the bird chirping away gaily, the rustling of wind, the bright sunshine, or even the bright moonlight?

We are so busy running thinking, distracted of the next tasks that we don’t even concentrate on the task at hand, while having a bath you are already thinking of what’s for breakfast, what points need to be presented in the meeting.

Since we don’t live in the moment, this leads to a feeling of being anxious, a feeling that the time is not enough, a feeling that you are not in control of what’s happening with you and around you, a feeling that you wish you could do more in the time that you have. To avoid such a situation, you need to slow down things: no that does not mean you need to miss your timelines, it just means that you need to prioritize and tell yourself that there is only so much you can do in a day. What tasks would you do first if you were told that you have only 1 day to live. Prioritize and plan your day, but live in the moment.

1. Live in the Moment – Very often we don’t live in the moment, our minds are wandering aimlessly, at times we are anxious of unforeseen things, so many of which may never even happen.
2. Be present both physically and mentally.
   1. For eg, if you are in a meeting and already dreading the next meeting. You don’t justify the time spent in the first meeting as you are already thinking about the second meeting.
   2. Also think about this that all the time that you spend thinking about the next meeting you have lost track of what is happening in the current meeting, so you may end up asking questions or may lead to rework as you didn’t get all the points during the meeting.
   3. If you feel that your presence doesn’t matter in the meeting, then question yourself as to why you are attending the meeting. Are you a decision maker, will you be providing an input to the meeting, can you take notes from others, what’s your role in the meeting
3. Ask for an Agenda for the meeting, it’s possible the topics are not pertaining to you at all so you can then direct the person to someone who can be of more help for those topics. You can decide based on the agenda whether you should attend or not.
4. Slow down – Breathe slowly, do you realize that this is the single most important thing that you do in life. If you stop breathing there is no life. Focus on the air going in and out of your body.
5. Enjoy everything around you, we have become so robotic and have a time table that just about everything is a reflex action. Take time to notice things around you. What leg sock do you wear first, what side of the cup are you drinking your tea.
6. Look around, at times following a routine, makes life monotonous and mechanic, can you do things differently so you begin to enjoy the moment, take another route going home instead of the regular route. Yes there is lots of traffic, but if you can plan and leave on time or early, suddenly you will notice the new building coming up, or a new shop or some eateries that have mushroomed around your area.
7. Listen to the stories: This has been my favorite way of connecting with strangers. While at a traffic signal, do you notice how the vendor is trying to sell his wares, or do you see the beggar children, are they enjoying themselves by the road or are they up to some tricks with the motorists. Or do you see other motorists; you will find something different about most people, if you observe you will see someone playing and nodding their head to music, others on a conference call while driving to work, others on the way to airport, how do I know, well with all the luggage that’s tied up on the car with the tags hanging out that’s how you know that they going to the airport, or look at the number plate, how many outstation cars do you see on the road.
8. Listen to untold stories, while out shopping, have you noticed the sales girl / boys what are their stories, see the faces of people in the park, of those passing by. Do you see the small kids running in the park in their imaginary world? Kids are most active and have a wonderful way of connecting and being in the moment.
9. Pause – Unplug – We should abstain from all forms of electronics, especially the media including social media. In today’s world we are more connected virtually instead of in the physical realm. We have imaginary fan following on social media and false bravado and our desperation need to be validated and keep a tab on who is doing what. Unplug, switch off your phone, TV, or any form of virtual connectedness. Connect with those around you, your family, pets, neighbors, or even strangers who are passing you. I have found myself smiling at small things and able to exchange that smile with a stranger because we both happened to be in the moment and know exactly what happened, and that moment is magical because without saying a word you were able to exchange a beautiful connectedness and you are able to create a smile, which hopefully will ignite another smile.
10. Solitude: This is possibly the most difficult of all, the need of being wanted, to be surrounded by other social beings is an age old need. However even then you need to spend time with yourself. This is only possible if you delink yourself from everyone including those close to you, for some this may be a few minutes for others they may need longer time to be away by themselves. This is the time when you can focus on self, introspect reenergize, and be at peace with yourself. If you can achieve all other aspects become easier as you become more aware of what’s important to you and you are able to spend time where it’s required.
11. If something untoward happens look at what’s in your control, can you do something about it? If yes do it if not then go through it, not all situations are pleasant, but possibly this moment is building you up for something bigger and stronger, it is only when you live in the moment is when you learn and you are able to use this learnings in the future.

So the next time you seem hassled, you are juggling too many things, just take a walk, breathe listen to your breath going in and out and then refocus. Concentrate on what needs to be done now and live in the moment. There is no point on crying about the past its already gone, no point worrying about the future it is yet to arrive, however what you can control is the present, that is why it is called a present (gift) use your time wisely by living in the moment. Be happy in the moment don’t ruin it by thinking about what’s past because that will not come again.

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Compass – Contrive to accomplish

Using a compass underwater is very tricky, not because it is difficult to operate but because you lose sense of direction. On land, you have some landmarks, signs and you are able to identify if you are headed in the right direction. Underwater you may not have any landmarks, it may just be water around you and so there is no way to know if you are headed in the right direction. Over confidence is the other issue, it is possible that you may believe in your own abilities and swim forward in a straight line, but if you glance at the compass you will know you have drifted off course. So when underwater it is very important that you check the compass from time to time to ensure you can make the adjustment and are headed in the right direction.

Direction & focus is very important in achieving our Goals. We get distracted by stuff that happens in life and lose our sense of direction and the goal altogether. So it’s important to revisit the compass and identify if you are reaching closer to your goal or not. Lets take an eg – if the goal is to be fit, you may have a well laid plan for a diet, work out etc. Your compass is likely to be your BMI, body energy and how your body adapts to this routine, if you pay attention to this compass you will know if you are on track. However life is not always a dream and its possible your routine may go off schedule, sleepovers with friends, family function, parties, hectic work schedules including stuff that needs your immediate attention may take priority. Our body is programmed for flight or fight and in both these modes our body behaves differently and we prioritize everything that we think is urgent and important and forget about our goal.

It is also possible that you may be successful to follow the routine however after sometime you miss looking at the compass (BMI) and little do you know that your diet / workout has changed subtly. You feel confident in your own ability and dismiss the compass, it is only one fine day it dawns on you that your efforts have been in vain and now you may have to re-do everything again. So it’s very important that you review your compass (BMI) periodically.

Whatever your goal it’s important that you have guiding principles or a compass that can tell you if you are headed towards your goal. It’s clear many of us get disillusioned by other things that demand our attention and we lose our focus and lose interest in our Goal and it stays on the back burner. During these times ask yourself why I want this Goal, what will happen if I don’t achieve it, what will happen if I achieve it. If there is no passion to the above questions it’s likely that your Goal is frivolous and has no meaning. However if there is passion then it’s important that you have a compass that can help you stay on course.

Like a good diver, you may want to chart your path in advance, while the actual situation under water or in real life may vary, at least it gives you a sense of what to expect ahead and you can plan accordingly. As you chart the route you may identify small milestones on the way, achieving these can be very fruitful and can give further impetuous to the Goal.

It is also important to remember that a compass is also not error free, so you can use the compass as an instrument but you should also rely on your intuition and your inner self. So take the time out chart your course, follow your compass, and if the compass breaks down, follow your instinct.

You don’t throw a compass overboard because the ocean is calm

Superwoman

Life is a roller coaster ride, where sometimes you are not in control but what you can do is to hold on to the guardrails and enjoy the ride.

No one including myself can tell you your worth. I have seen you evolve into a wonderful human being, with time you have evolved from being a daughter, a girl, a woman a wife and now a mother. You have played these roles with aplomb. You have a side that all are aware of, a side that few are exposed to and a side that only you know.  You don’t speak your feelings coz your action is louder than words. You come across as someone who is staunch without emotions. But you are equally strong and have a sensitive side that you and those close to you know. You are at your creative best when you are in the zone, there is a madness that only you and those close to you have experienced it, will know. There is a child in you willing to play games, an adult willing to make the tough calls, a mother teaching life skills to her child.

There is a bounce in your step which signifies your self-confidence you are unnerved by situations and you make it sound so easy. You break down the problems and take on the situation one part at a time and while doing so there is not a flicker of discomfort on your face. I admire your professional and emotional maturity there is style statement in everything that you do.

I don’t know how you do it but you are able to prioritize and balance everything so well, work, play, family. There is a sense of pride in what you do which does not clash with the way you treat others. Even strangers are bound to be touched by your thoughtfulness and care. There is no way they can escape from your warmth and welcoming nature.

Your commitment to work and dedication is undeniable and this not because you earn a salary but because you are bound by your principles and your love for your calling and to do what is best. You are called head strong – and yes you are, it’s because of this determination that you have reached where you are today, it is your strength. While being head strong, you are suave in the way you deal with difficult situations and people. I am inspired by your grit towards life.

During uncertainties and difficult times, you are able to think on your feet. You are full of ideas, the analogy that comes to my mind is that of an oasis in a barren desert. You are able to provide another dimension where none existed, or at least everyone felt none existed.

Your thoughtfulness and selflessness is something which touches everyone. During day to day existence all of us think of what is beneficial to ourselves, while you do that too, your selflessness is displayed and you ensure that your wants and beliefs don’t hurt others.

You have a strong sense of self awareness and where you are headed, it’s a trait that very few have, don’t lose that. It is this self-awareness and purpose in life which ensures that you are on track and aware of your being. This is an important life skill that you have harnessed and knowingly and unknowingly you use it in your everyday life.

When your soul is not aligned with your thought or with what is happening around you, you feel lost, frustrated and out of control. Remind yourself that sometimes you don’t need to be in control, everything has a time and after night there is day. Give yourself some slack you don’t be critical of yourself, you are the best version of who you are. You are doing your best, its easy to look around and be disappointed for all the wrong that’s happening but it’s important to be grateful for all the good that is around. I know that you have nothing but sincere gratitude for everything and I feel encouraged by your attitude.

You have positively impacted a lot of people around of you, some of whom will let you know for others it may be in passing. Remember that all the goodness you spread it will come back to you. You are blessed and you deserve more and it will come to pass in time. Your words of encouragement is encountered by many, you desire to make this world a better place is evident in the way treat others and develop others.

To me you are superwoman who wears her vest and encounters life every day.

 

 

I am my own Hero

She looked around and could see all women in the room, she sighed she felt safe but was disappointed there was no male attending the seminar.

This was a seminar about women empowerment and had no male representation. She asked the question – how can we make this a safe place for women. What is the government doing for reducing the gender gap, how is the organization ensuring that women are given equal opportunities, how are they reducing the pay gap, will organizations provide flexibility to women so they can take care of work and family. How do government, organizations ensure that there is representation of women at the top spots.

She felt that she was victimized subject to abuse and also sidelined even though she is talented. Why can’t this world see things from her eyes; understand the pain and discomfort she has to go through even when growing up? Why can’t the male species understand her better, why can’t they make things a little easier?

Why do women feel like victims and that everything needs to be done by someone else? Why do women feel helpless and that nothing is in their control. She reflected on her life and how she behaved in her own house. When she had to make a choice of sending her son or daughter to school, did her son get more privileges over her daughter? He can do whatever he wants because he is a boy.

She introspected have I used the word girl / daughter derogatorily she asked herself. She could think of the below examples where she felt she compared her son and daughter and unconsciously biased their thoughts that women is weaker.

1. By telling my son “why are you crying like a girl, only girls cry” – “Boys don’t cry, boys are strong”
2. We tell our daughters” its ok to cry” and things like “ you should not talk in loud tones, or argue with anyone” “You should not fight back” “You are a girl and girls have to be silent and listen”
3. “You are girl so you need to know how to cook and do the household work”
4. Football is not for girls, you can make painting, singing as your hobby
5. “You are not a boy”, You are not strong like boys so don’t play with them” ,”You should play in the house” You should not play on the playground you will get hurt” “you should play only with girls.”
6. Pink is for girls and Blue is for boys. “ Why are you wearing pink, pink is only for girls”
7. “Barbie’s are for girls, cars are for boys”

Knowingly or unknowingly we have influenced the dos and don’ts in our children life and that is what gets played out as they grow older. They are boxed and prototyped into behaving in a way fit for boy and a girl. The pressure of being accepted is so high that children too fall in line to follow the behavior. How a girl is treated at home is how she gets treated in the society. Simple things like who gets served food first indicates who is given priority at home.

If a boy sees it is acceptable to not do any household work, disrespect his sister and be treated like a king by his mother and sister and other family members. That is what he is going to expect from all women in the world. Children learn from the family members and that is how they behave in world. Some things don’t even have to be spoken or taught to children, they are good listeners and learn fast, they just observe what’s happening in the family and emulate the same as they grow up. For them that is the first exposure and what they observe and accept is what they think and assume to be acceptable and correct.

Think back about a time when your daughter wanted to participate in sports or an adventurous activity in another location or country. Or wanted to pursue higher education or sports or even go out for an overnight picnic. What has been your response, yes go for it, or yes but be careful, or no, why do you want to do it. Or you are a girl and girls don’t do that.

Why should organizations care if the employee is male or female? They are happy if they have a performing employee? If employees are performing and give their best output profiting the organization, it doesn’t matter if that employee is a male or female. Why should companies care if you have a family, a work life balance to manage that is for you to manage it doesn’t matter if you are male or female. Why should companies have reservations for women, if you are talented you will get the job. Because if you are the best engineer you will give your best and it will be noticed and you will get your due. What organizations should do is have equal opportunities for both genders, remove any biases to ensure that the best talent has access and gets the deserving reward.

Why blame the government for not enforcing stronger laws which are protecting women. I ask you why can’t we change the society’s mindset towards the women. We can have the strictest law, however if there is no change in mindset of people then that law is futile.

If a woman dresses, or talks differently than the acceptable norm then she is frowned on. A person can lustfully look at a woman and get away with it. There is nothing that the law can do in this. However if we change the DNA of our families which in turn impact people around us and the society at large, we will be able to change the way a woman is viewed and respected. It all begins how we manage our relationships at home. A small change can go a long way to impact the overall attitude including our own towards the progress of woman.

At times a woman is a woman’s enemy she needs to be less critical and more supportive. If Woman accept that they are empowered and start making their decisions and be responsible for their life it will be bring about change. If every woman takes it upon on herself to make some small changes within her influence, she will bring out and impact larger changes. No point for waiting for laws to be passed or for organizations to provide more lucrative salaries or roles. It is up to each women to stand up for herself and make some small behavior changes.

I am my own role model as I am unique and as there is no one like me. The change begins with me. I am my own hero.

Lets Play

Its another day, another year

To put to bed all the fears

A new beginning for dreams to renew

For those to come true only for you.

 

Life has a way of presenting itself uniquely

Making us dance to its tune cheekily.

Laugh at all problems the till you cry

Make sure during difficult times you always try.

 

Thank God for good bad and everything,

To his blessings you always cling,

Don’t give up on your dreams

Coz just when its all bad it seems

At a distance you will see a glimmer,

You wont know how close you are

Till you with troubles you spar

 

It’s a new day, a new dream, a new way

Its game on so, lets play.

Danke 2017

Thank you for the missed opportunities, I now know what I want.
Thank You for the loneliness, I now know how to make peace and live with myself.
Thank you for those who walked out of my life,
I now know who are my true friends.
Thank you for the job, I now know what I truly aspire for.
Thank you for the sickness, I now value healthy living and take better care of myself.
Thank you for the broken dreams, I can now dream a new dream.
Thank You for the challenges, I now know that I can push my limits and be Victorious.
Thank You 2017 for all the good, the bad the ugly coz you have made me a better being.
Welcome 2018 looking forward to blessings and well being.

Giving up is not an option….

We are all unique in our own way. We have endured and continue to endure experiences which are unique to us. It is also possible that many of us may have experienced the same incident but our responses may be different. As humans we can create our own responses which are different to the same situation.

Troubles come in our life, and sometimes we don’t know why we are going through it. The wet pillow becomes a best friend at some points in our life. During such times, make a decision and take action, take control if possible. However sometimes we can’t do anything and can’t find a solution for such situations. At such times, its best to take a pause, make progress slowly but don’t give up. We understand life backwards and so will not know why something happened until later in life. One thing I am sure of is that everything happens for a reason, we have the power to endure. When we cannot, we have a greater force on our side which helps us tide this situation.

During such difficult times – it’s easy to give up, succumb to the situation and go to the extreme of ending one’s life. However according to me giving up is not an option. We should strive to live and continue to prosper. So what if you have lost a loved one, you are lonely, or you are completely shattered, these are unpleasant experiences, but they build you for what’s in store. You may be the only survivor in your family with no purpose to live. But who knows it is this experience that can propel you to bring healing to others. So what if you are bed ridden, you have a life, ask yourself what I can do positively in your life. What can you do, what can be if you take the first step? May be you can tell a story, may be you help others.

God has created our beautiful life – there may be some hiccups along the way. Life may not be as beautiful for us now but it doesn’t have to stay that way forever. Everything in life is momentary, how we cope with life is all that matters and once you make that shift is when you will be able to view life differently. It’s easy to be a victim and blame others for everything bad in our life, but if we can change this perspective in learning what life has in store for us than this will be a very different journey.

No matter what is the state of our life, there is a reason why we are here in this world, we have a purpose in life that only we can fulfill. It is possible that we don’t know that purpose and once we know the purpose in life, we will be propelled in a whole new direction. Many a times we give up and quit when we are almost about to strike gold. Giving up is never an option, make a decision to endure, to make the change and make a difference in your own and others’ lives. Who knows, your trouble, helplessness, worries may disappear the very next hour, day, month or year.

“I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It’s all a question of how I view my life.”
―Paulo Coelho