To be(ef) or not to be(ef)


to-be-or-not-to-be-hamlet

My name is Piggy Poswami and I am a journalist, one of the few joys that I have in life. Today is a big day, because I have an interview with the most sought person Ms. Cow(fodd)er. Ahem she came in limelight overnight. No offense but Ms. Cowder I think actually was born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

I prepare for the big day and big interview. I put on my best suit and I feel the last minute urge to roll in the cold and most welcome mud bath. Whew!! What with the mercury rising…it definitely was a relief. Now that I have completed my rituals off I go to my coveted position.

Below is a transcript of the interview.

Here Goes, Lights;Sound;Camera;Action (I think I may have messed up the order up, but the show must go on) I can see the camera red light on and I go for it..

PP: Welcome to the show Ms. Cowder. I am sure you have heard about this show “My point only” I am sure you will agree that its an honour for you to be on my show. Lets begin the show with your views on becoming a celebrity overnight.

Ms. Cowder: Ahem..munch munch…ahem….Mr. Poswami, I am indeed honoured to be on this show. I have always been wondering how people make it to your show. But it was simple, your team member just called me and asked me if I could join you on this show since the other panellists didn’t seem too interested to join. I was more than happy to give you company. You see we belong to the same family.

PP: Ms. Cowder, even if the nation doesn’t want to know but I want to know, how did you become a celebrity overnight?

Ms. Cowder: Chomp, chomp..bite…chew..chew…you see. I have always been revered and obviously you know I am a docile and the only reason Amul is in business is because of me.

PP: No, No, No Ms. Cowder you cannot evade the question. I need an answer on the show, who did you charm, to ensure that your interests were safe guarded. I have documents and evidence that can put you in a very difficult situation..

Ms. Cowder: Well now that you ask me that way…well yes I do have beautiful eye lashes..and even better, I swing as I walk..my innocent eyes and the coyness in my smile. I think that may have added to the charm to the decision of beef being banned in this area.

PP: (God where is her brain. I must get someone more intellectual on the show) Viewers please make note of this open admission of the use of charm to get the decision in her favour.

PP: Now then, Ms Cowder, you have been granted special citizenship on humanitarian grounds. What happens to you and numerous others like you?

Ms. Cowder: Well, we have been promised to be moved to shelters, where we will be well taken care of…

PP: But you are so many in numbers, can they accommodate you in the shelters. (Interviews were never so easy. I can see why they say that Ms. Cowder is so docile)

Ms. Cowder: haa haa. Mr. Poswami, you sure can crack a good joke. Look if they run out of space in the shelters, they will let us loose on the streets. Obviously we already have a few of our friends on the roads having another 2-3 us will not harm. If anything we can help slow down rash driving…

PP: (At this stage my head is exploding and I want to wrap up the interview as quickly as possible)Ms. Cowder as they say,Grass is greener on the other side…do you think you can put in a word for me and my family? We are almost becoming extinct but no one seems to be taking notice of us. To add we don’t have the traits to influence anybody let alone ourselves.

Ms. Cowder: Mr. Poswami, are you out of your mind..do you think I could have managed all of this on my own. To think of it, if I put in a word for you, I will be back to square one. I think I am happy where I am and enjoying this new innings. Sorry Mr. Poswami, its time for me to leave, I have to get onto another show. Your team informed me that you needed only 30 mins and we are well over that time so I will have to end the interview here.

PP: Ms. Cowder, you cannot be leaving this show like this. This is my show you have no right to talk to me like that. You are on prime time, this network has given the viewers the first breaking news on you. Viewers please take note of the inappropriate behaviour of Ms. Cowder. Smells like a rat.

Ms. Cowder: Mr. Poswami are you out of your mind, I am a cow, how can I smell like a rat.

PP: I will summarize this interview, Ms Cowder has used her influence to pass the bill in her favour. Viewers I want you to decide if this is correct. Think about where we are headed especially with the increasing costs in daily food necessities. One key option cut down, the AAM Admi has to resort to more expensive options. Good night for now, I will meet you on the other side of this break.

The camera stops rolling, the interview is complete.

Whew!! This was more draining than I thought. It’s time for a smoke break and some self-talk before my next debate. I still have to wait my turn before we are exempted from termination. “ I am the best,..I am the best…..”

“Piggy on the railway picking up stones, down came the engine and broke the piggy’s bones. Ahh said the piggy…that’s not fair… ohh said the engine driver, I don’t care.”

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